How to figure out EXACTLY what’s bothering you

Is there anything more frustrating than feeling low and you can’t pinpoint the thing that has caused it? Or how to get rid of it? 

Don’t panic babes, I got you. Thorough meticulous research (a mix of social media scrolling, watching Ted Talks on YouTube and reading an obnoxious amount of books), I have created a list of questions for you to ask yourself if and when you need to figure out what the f*ck is going on. 

I want to preface this by saying I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL, I’m just a gal with too much time on my hands who wants you to feel better. If you’re feeling very low you should talk to your doctor. Okay bestie?

What are three words to describe this feeling?

I know this seems basic but trying to articulate our feelings into words (even if they don’t make sense right now) can be a very good place to start. Even if all your emotions are all jumbled up, throwing out three words can kick start some clarity. They don’t even have to make sense - could be a colour, a vibe, whatever, it’s just about the ball rolling.

Where in your body do you feel this?

Did you know that emotions activate the cardiovascular, skeletomuscular, neuroendocrine and autonomic nervous systems? (Sorry, that was a lot of big words.) What I am basically saying is that your mind and your body are connected so where you feel your emotion will help direct you to which emotion you are feeling. Here’s a very basic overview of feelings and physical links: anxiety - throat / stomach; anger - jaw / rise in temperature; sadness - chest / a feeling of heaviness; fear - headaches / leg weakness.

When did this feeling start?

If you can pinpoint the moment that sinking feeling crept in, you will be one step closer to finding the reason why. That’s it for this question. It may be that simple. It may not be keep reading.

Are you taking care of your basic needs?

Are you hydrated? Have you eaten? Have you been outside today? Are you sleeping okay? Have you moved your body? All the basics need to be met otherwise that can send you into a negative spiral. I don’t want that for you. You don’t want that for you. So, evaluate if your basic needs are met.

Are there any underlying beliefs or patterns that may be contributing to this feeling?

We all have an inner saboteur. The trick is being able to tell that sabatour to quite frankly, fuck off. Easier said than done. This inner critic can bring with them negative beliefs or patterns that affect how you feel. These beliefs can be ingrained into us by parents, friends or the world around us. Often these negative beliefs lay on a subconscious level so consciously looking into what is really driving our feelings can be a game changer.

Have you been comparing yourself to others or setting unrealistic expectations for yourself?

*clears throat* THERE IS ONLY ONE WONDERFUL YOU, AND COMPARISON IS THE KILLER OF JOY. It is so easy to compare yourself to others, especially when we spend a minimum of 4 hours on social media daily, exposing us to between 600-1200 people displaying their seemingly perfect lives! But let me drop some truth bombs here: those influencers you see? Yeah, they're not living in perpetual bliss. They've got bad hair days and awkward moments just like the rest of us. Right, now that’s cleared up, tell me, have you been comparing yourself to others?

Have you been expressing your feelings or bottling them up?

Your emotions are like lemonade. (Hear me out). If you keep it bottled up while being riled up, you are eventually going to explode. Those unresolved issues you've been shoving down? Yeah, they're gonna bubble up eventually. So, ask yourself: Have you actually let yourself feel what you're feeling? Have you given yourself a minute to process the things in your life? Or are you still holding onto that lid, hoping the fizz will magically disappear? Spoiler alert: it won't. It's time to crack open that cap gently, so you can handle whatever may spill out.

Are there any environmental factors that could be affecting your mood?

We underestimate how our surroundings affect us. If you’ve got a messy space or you never let natural light in this can be a HUGE contributor to low mood. So, take a quick scan of your space. Is it chaos central? Are you living like a vampire, never seeing the light of day? If you're still wondering why you're feeling off, it might be time for a vibe check of your surroundings. Clean up the mess, let some sunshine in, maybe rearrange the furniture, throw in some cosy low lighting, and then see how you're feeling. Bet you'll notice a difference!

Are you being kind to yourself?

I’m gonna get deep for a second. You are the only person who can change your mood. You are the only person who can make you feel better. You have to be a cheerleader for yourself. No one else will be as kind to you as you can be to yourself. Negative self-talk is a bad habit, and it takes practice to unlearn. You can unlearn it through journaling or affirmations or whatever technique floats your boat but it’s likely you don’t realise you do it. If you fail at something minor and resort to calling yourself stupid, big red flag. Look at your actions, words and thoughts relating to yourself since this feeling started. Are you being kind?

That’s all the questions I have for you. I really hope you have figured out the source of your sadness. I am sorry you’re going through this but remember everything ends. Even this feeling.

Take care, and remember you're not alone. Sending you lots of love. x